“I don’t even care anymore.”
I said this to a coworker - at a position I have since left - in her office, about something going at work. She gave me a concerned look. We had worked together for many years, and she knew this was an unusual thing for me to say. I care a lot about my work - if anything, I’m usually so enthusiastic about work I take on too many extra projects, willingly sacrificing leisure time.
At the time I said it, I had been overly stressed out for months. As a working parent with multiple demanding roles, I had way too much on my plate. I wasn’t taking enough breaks, vacations, or days off. I was exhausted, and had become detached and cynical. I just didn’t feel like myself anymore.
I knew something was wrong, and it was only later I realized I was experiencing a classic case of burnout. Once I realized this, I was able to take a step back and think about making some changes. I hope this post will help others who are experiencing burnout do the same!
What is Burnout?
We’ve been hearing the word “burnout” a lot lately. But what is burnout, really? The World Health Organization defines Burnout as an “Occupational Phenomenon” that results from chronic stress. It is characterized by:
Energy depletion or exhaustion
Detachment or cynicism related to one’s job
Being less effective at work
Although the WHO’s definition focuses on workplace burnout, it can happen in other meaningful roles that involve a high degree of ongoing stress, such as:
Caregiving
Parenting
Social activism
You may notice similarities among these types of roles - they are meaningful yet stressful roles, and the emotional impact can build up, leading to exhaustion and detachment.
People in helping professions, such as healthcare, teaching, activism, and social work, may be especially prone to burnout. The emotional fatigue of caring for others in these important, demanding roles can become consuming, leading to exhaustion and detachment.
Burnout vs. Stress: Burnout is not the same thing as stress, although chronic daily stress can lead to burnout. Stress is more situational and will typically decrease when the stressors improve. For instance, when you finish a stressful project, you’ll feel often feel a sense of relief. Burnout is a more chronic, and persists even when immediate stressors lift.
When Is Burnout a Problem? Most people with demanding, meaningful roles will experience feeling burned out at times. That’s normal! And it’s not necessarily a problem, if we understand our emotions, take care of ourselves, and keep doing what’s important to us. But it can be a big problem if it starts to get in the way of functioning. For instance:
if occupational burnout leads to skipping work, procrastination, substance abuse, or other unhelpful behavior patterns.
if the constant, daily stress of parenting (such as during COVID-19!) leads parents stop caring for their children according to their values. At its most extreme, this can lead to serious consequences for both the parent and the child.
if caregiver burnout gets extreme leads to neglect of caregiver tasks.
The cost of burnout can be high in terms of productivity, health, and vitality. That’s why it’s important to recognize the signs of burnout and get support.
Values and Burnout Steven Hayes, a cofounder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, has a saying: “We hurt where we care.” It’s no coincidence that burnout occurs in meaningful roles- when we put our heart and soul into our work, stress is normal and will have an impact on us. When we are experiencing burnout, it’s important to reconnect with meaning and reengage in a way that can help us move from detachment to renewed vitality.
The context of burnout: It’s not just you
It’s important to acknowledge that experiencing burnout isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you. Although caring for your own wellbeing is important, we don’t want to unintentionally “blame the victim” by suggesting that it’s your fault for feeling the way you do in a difficult situation. Often, we are living within organizations, systems, and cultural expectations that play a role in burnout. For instance:
Workplace Culture: We live in a world where overwork is prized, we are always expected to be available, and people are often left feeling undervalued for their talent and hard work. Social psychologist and burnout expert Christana Maslach describes “pebbles…the tiny, incremental, irritating, and painful stuff at work that can wear you down” such as:
Unmanageable workload/time pressure
Feeling unappreciated
Unfair treatment at work
Lack of communication and support
High Expectations: It is often the case that expectations, by ourselves and our society, are too high in various roles. For instance, you may have an idea of what a “perfect” parent might do - gourmet snacks, enriching activities all day long, constant quality time and attention - and feel self-critical for not meeting that standard. The problem is that we are seeking to do the impossible, and perfectionism/relentless high standards leads us to feel like we are never measuring up.
So what can we do when these factors are typically outside of our control? Try going easy on yourself and recognizing that it’s not all your fault for not keeping up in an impossible situation. Give yourself a little compassion - you are doing the best you can in a difficult situation. You’re only human, and that’s enough.
Strategies to Help with Burnout:
So if you’re feeling the burn of burnout, what can you do? Check out another blog post I wrote: Ten Tips for Coping with Burnout
Photo credit: https://www.pexels.com/@skitterphoto