As a therapist, I have a pretty good pulse on trends in mental health. I pay attention to what people around me — friends, family, therapy clients, etc. — are saying, and I follow health topics in the news and on social media.
Lately, I’ve been hearing from a lot of people who’ve been drinking more alcohol than they want to, and are considering either cutting back or quitting.
The Slippery Slope of Moderate Drinking
Among adults in the U.S., alcohol use (in moderation) is a generally socially acceptable way to socialize and relax. Many of us enjoy meeting friends for a drink, or like to have a cocktail or glass of wine at the end of the workday. Often we use alcohol to cope with stress or “take the edge off” our emotions. From the minute that first sip hits your lips, you can feel your tension go down and your anxiety melt away.
A lot of people started drinking more during the pandemic and kept drinking as a way to cope with all the stressors we’ve all faced over the last few years. Over time, it became a more regular habit, and having “a drink” routinely turned into several at a time.
What starts out as moderate alcohol use can be a “slippery slope” and turn into a problem. Alcohol can easily became a little too daily, a little too much at a time, and a little too automatic.
Take an Honest Look at Alcohol in Your Life
I’m not here to moralize about alcohol, or convince you that it isn’t good for you. You probably know as much as I do about that! Only you can be the judge of whether or not alcohol is a problem in your life. I do encourage you to take a look at your relationship with alcohol, and be honest with yourself.
Do you often drink more alcohol than you had intended to?
Are you using alcohol to cope with problems, where there might be a better long-term solution?
Do you feel tired or irritable in the morning after you’ve been drinking?
Are you concerned about how alcohol is affecting your sleep, mood, or health?
Is alcohol having a negative impact on your relationships or work?
Do you minimize or hide how much you’ve been drinking — from yourself or others?
How do you think you might benefit from cutting back?
Perhaps you want to reduce your alcohol consumption to once or twice per week, or only on social occasions. Or, you may want to keep it down to just one serving when you do drink, instead of over-induling. Some people find it more beneficial to cut alcohol out completely, at least for a period of time. Either way, behavior change techniques from psychology can help you make a change and be more intentional about the role of alcohol in your life.
Before I give you some tips, I want to be clear that this post is not aimed at people with a more serious substance abuse problem. If your alcohol use feels out of control, or is causing a significant problem in your life, I recommend getting help and support from a substance abuse program or specialist.
But if you’re a moderate drinker, whose alcohol use is just a little bit beyond what you’d like it to be, you can use these tips to support you in cutting back (or quitting) and preventing alcohol from becoming a bigger problem.
Tips from Behavioral Psychology for Cutting Back on Alcohol
Be Clear on Your Desired Outcome: Setting clear and specific goals can he helpful for any behavior change. In the case of alcohol use, it can also eliminate decision-making fatigue when you are at the moment of low motivation. If you decide you’re not drinking on weeknights, the decision has made in advance, and it’s a no-brainer when you’re considering that cocktail after work.
Remember Your Why: Contact your values behind your desire to cut back. Whether it’s your health, your relationships, or just wanting to feel better tomorrow morning, remembering why you are cutting back can help you through the rough moments.
Be Patient: You might notice that you feel worse when you first cut back. Maybe you expected your sleep to improve immediately and it didn’t. Or you might feel more stressed and anxious if you’ve been using to drinking for stress relief. It can take a while for your body to get used to not drinking, so be patient with yourself, and don’t give up if it’s hard at first.
Build in a Pause: Waiting a few minutes before pouring a drink, instead of doing it automatically, can help you make a more intentional choice. Before you open the fridge, or grab that wine glass, just pause for a minute or two. Go do something else, or drink a glass of water, and see if the desire subsides. This can be especially important after you’ve already had a drink, because alcohol just makes us want more alcohol!
Surf the Urge: Cravings for alcohol will rise and fall in intensity, and usually don’t last as long as we think. Instead of automatically following the urge to drink, ride the wave. Notice it, and watch it rise and fall in intensity. Urges can feel uncomfortable, but they will pass naturally, usually in just a few minutes.
Try a Substitute: Some people find it helpful to substitute alcohol for another beverage, especially when they first cut back. I’m partial to a seltzer water on ice (with a lime if I’m feeling fancy), myself. These days there are plenty of tasty non-alcoholic alternatives on the market. A substitute is a way to treat yourself and satisfy your craving, without the alcohol.
Stimulus control: Making alcohol harder to access creates a natural barrier to drinking. If it takes more effort, you’ll be less likely to do it. It would be much harder to stay sober if you were hanging out in a bar with your drinking buddies than if you were in an environment with no alcohol! Consider keeping liquor out of your home, storing it in a hard to access place, or only buying the amount you want drink at a time. If possible, you might want to steer clear of the places you associate with drinking for a while.
Accept the discomfort: You’re probably using alcohol because of how it makes you feel — usually it numbs away emotional pain. If you stop drinking, I’m sorry to tell you but you’ll probably feel those emotions you’ve been trying to avoid. Prepare yourself to feel that discomfort, and when you do, be kind to yourself and remember that it’s okay to feel your emotions — even the uncomfortable ones.
Try Tracking: Sometimes tracking a behavior can help us notice patterns. In the case of alcohol, sometimes people don’t pay much attention to the amount they’re drinking. Consider tracking your alcohol consumption for a few weeks to see if you learn anything about yourself. Just jot down when, what, and how much alcohol you have each day, along with any other observations. You can look back at your log to see if any patterns emerge. (Note: Some people find tracking behaviors to be difficult or frustrating. If it isn’t helpful to you, don’t do it.)
Try a 30 Day Quit Period: You’ve probably heard of “dry January” and “sober October.” You don’t have to quit drinking forever if you don’t want to, but a longer period without alcohol can help you un-hook from the habit and more objectively consider the role alcohol plays in your life. Anna Lembke, author of Dopamine Nation, recommends a 30-day “dopamine detox” for any addictive habit, because it takes that long for the pleasure-seeking parts of our brain to settle down and reset.
Get Support: Getting some social support can make a huge difference in any behavior change. Tell people you are cutting back on alcohol and would like their support. It can help to speak these words out loud, and get the people in your life on board. Since many people drink socially, it can also help to let people know why you are saying no to the booze for a while, and directly ask them to encourage you instead of trying to tempt you into drinking.
If You Slip Up, Get Back on Track: Sometimes you may struggle with cutting back, and slip back into old patterns. No need to beat yourself up or feel like you’ve failed. Behavior change is hard, and it can be an up and down process. Just get back on track and keep at it!
Resources for Learning More
Podcast Episodes from Psychologists Off the Clock:
Books:
Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love
The Wisdom to Know the Difference: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Overcoming Substance Abuse
Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol
The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It
For inspiration on ways to enjoy life without alcohol, check out the book The Sober Lush: A Hedonist's Guide to Living a Decadent, Adventurous, Soulful Life--Alcohol Free